Scholarly Love

There have been many that have influenced me into who I am today.  There have been my parents, teachers, drill instructors, professors, mentors, my wife, my children and countless others that I have crossed paths with in my life.  Out of all of these people one stands out above them all.  This would be my grandmother, Edna Forbes.

She did not have an education beyond the sixth grade, yet she was one of the most erudite people that I have ever had the pleasure of being around.  When you went to stay at grandma’s house, which I did every day after school until I was twelve and every summer until I was eighteen, you stayed in the spare bedroom where there was bookshelves full of Time Magazine, National Geographic, encyclopedias and numerous other books.  There was also stacks of crossword puzzles that were in every corner of the room, half of them done and others that were not yet finished.  Out in the living room there was always a scrabble game that was ready to go on the desk and a Webster’s Dictionary sit right next to it.  There were a plethora of wisdom and knowledge that was always in my presence while at her house.

All of these items were not stoic.  When I was there the first thing that we would do in the morning would be to play a game or two of scrabble before breakfast.  It was frustrating playing with her at first, for she would always beat me and whenever I would play a word I would have to tell her what the definition of that word was.  I was not just allowed to play the words that she had played, she wanted me to know them for what they were.  Later in the day she would have me pick a magazine off of the bookshelf and read it.  After I had read it we would always sit down and analyze the article.  She would make me give an explanation of why I felt the way I did about the article and if I did not have evidence for my explanation she would find another article for me to read that would either support or oppose the view that I had taken.  She was giving me the greatest gift that anyone can give another person, the gift of knowledge and understanding.

Going beyond the scholarly, she also helped to instill in me the rewards of perseverance.  She showed me this many times in her life.  The first being after her quadruple bypass surgery when she was 59 years old.  The doctors told her that she would only make it five to ten more years if she did do certain things.  Well, grandma being as obstinate as anyone I know did it her way and lived until the age of 85, her way.  Along the way she did have a stroke that took away her ability to write for a while, but when she came home she sat on the floor for three days learning how to make her letters and write again.  She showed me that you can do anything that you want and can be whatever you want.  It is all in you, you just have to press through and fight for it, even when the cards are stacked against you.

She was harder on me than anybody else ever was.  She demanded more of me than everybody else ever did.  We did not get gifts on Christmas, but since she was a baker, we always did get a homemade cake on out birthday.  She did not give compliments readily and was slow to praise.  What she did give was an example of how to be and gifts beyond what I could comprehend at that time.  Now that I am older, I see what it was that she has given me and every day I thank her for what she has done for me.  Everything I accomplish and degree I receive is equated to the things that she has done for me.  She will be right there on that stage the day that I receive my doctoral degree.   

Happiness is in me

What makes me happy?  I have contemplated this question the last week quite zealously.  Every time that I think of something that has made me happy and why it has made me happy, I have also concluded that this same thing has led to sadness, remorse, anger, etc…  For instance, I was thinking of how my children make me happy.  They do make me happy in many ways, yet there have been many instances that they have made me angry, frustrated and scared.  They have not always made me happy.  I have also thought of how achievements have made me happy.  One achievement that has kept coming to mind is when I would win a wrestling match and have that exhilarating feeling of winning and being happy.  Than in an instant I would look across the mat and see my opponent crying and upset and all of a sudden, the achievement was not a happy one anymore.  It is not just in my life that I have seen this, it has been in others also.

Many people say that wealth will make you happy.  I have witnessed others who have been the recipients of winning the lottery in person and on documentaries.  All of the wealth that they had gained was a joyous occasion, yet their level of happiness was not maintained.  They still had the same problems that they had before they had the money and in some instances the money had even exacerbated the problems that they had prior to winning the money.  Whenever I thought that something would make me happy, I kept coming up with negative feelings that these same situations have brought about.

With this incongruity between situations and my feelings I came up with a personal revelation.  It is not the situation that makes me happy.  It is not the things that are around me that can influence me and have an effect on me.  It is all within me and how I allow them to influence me.  It is my own perception of what is and how I feel about it.  We can all look at things and see what we want in them.

What I mean by this most likely needs an example to explain.  The best example that I can use is when my grandfather passed away a couple of years ago.  I had been very close to my grandparents and had lived with them every summer from the time I was twelve until I was eighteen.  My grandfather had lived a long full life and when he passed at the age of 95 it was a sad occasion for the family.  Although it was sad and a feeling of loss, I was also happy for him.  I was happy for a couple of reasons.  One was that he did not have to suffer anymore or be in anymore pain.  The other was that he had finally received what he had been telling me he wanted for a couple of years.  He had been telling me that he was ready to go see all of his friends that had already passed and to be with grandma.  When I think back on this moment there were many feelings that I had on the situation.  Ultimately the feelings that I had on the situation was all up to me and how I wanted to see it and accept it.  It has nothing to do with things, situations or the people around me, it is determined by myself and my own perceptions of things.  So, everything and anything can make me happy, it all depends on me.

What is Success?

How does one define success?  I can only define success on a personal level.  For, I believe that everybody has their own unique way in which they define success.  I see it as something that is individualistic and always changing.  One person may call success finishing high school and another may see finishing high school as just a stepping stone.  One may see that attaining a 4.0 during high school as success and another may see it as attaining a 3.5, a 3.0, a 2.5, etc...  It is all up to the individual person to determine what it is that they specifically see as success.

Success is something that is always changing also.  For instance, the person who one day saw success as attaining their high school diploma may sometime in the future decide that they need to obtain a bachelor’s degree.  So, they would go on to college and work to obtain their bachelor’s degree and once that was obtained they would see that as success.  This is why I believe that it is always changing. 

It is something like a goal that we set for ourselves and once it is achieved there is always another that we set.  These goals and successes may be big or small.  It can be small like just trying to finish a 5K, or finishing a paper or finishing a book.  It can also be much bigger, such as, running a Fortune 500 company or becoming a professional athlete.  These goals are set and once they are attained it can be defined as success.  Yet, once they are attained there are other goals that are set and we may change our idea of what success is and start pursuing the next goal that we have set.

Much of my definition comes from my personal experience that I have had with this definition of success.  When I was in high school, my idea of success was to finish school and become an all-state wrestler.  Upon going to state my senior year and completing high school I went into the Marine Corp and saw success as gaining the highest rank that I could achieve while I was in.  While I was in the Marine Corp, I started a family and my idea of success changed to that of being the best father that I could be.  Throughout my life I have succeeded at many things and have constantly changed my idea of what success is.  Right now in my life, I have set a goal of attaining my Ph. D. and becoming a professor.  I see this as success right now, but once this is attained, how I see as success may change to when I publish my first book or become a tenure-tracked faculty member.  My idea of what success is, is always changing and will continue to change through the rest of my life.  It is what keeps me going and striving every day of my life.