Happiness is in me

What makes me happy?  I have contemplated this question the last week quite zealously.  Every time that I think of something that has made me happy and why it has made me happy, I have also concluded that this same thing has led to sadness, remorse, anger, etc…  For instance, I was thinking of how my children make me happy.  They do make me happy in many ways, yet there have been many instances that they have made me angry, frustrated and scared.  They have not always made me happy.  I have also thought of how achievements have made me happy.  One achievement that has kept coming to mind is when I would win a wrestling match and have that exhilarating feeling of winning and being happy.  Than in an instant I would look across the mat and see my opponent crying and upset and all of a sudden, the achievement was not a happy one anymore.  It is not just in my life that I have seen this, it has been in others also.

Many people say that wealth will make you happy.  I have witnessed others who have been the recipients of winning the lottery in person and on documentaries.  All of the wealth that they had gained was a joyous occasion, yet their level of happiness was not maintained.  They still had the same problems that they had before they had the money and in some instances the money had even exacerbated the problems that they had prior to winning the money.  Whenever I thought that something would make me happy, I kept coming up with negative feelings that these same situations have brought about.

With this incongruity between situations and my feelings I came up with a personal revelation.  It is not the situation that makes me happy.  It is not the things that are around me that can influence me and have an effect on me.  It is all within me and how I allow them to influence me.  It is my own perception of what is and how I feel about it.  We can all look at things and see what we want in them.

What I mean by this most likely needs an example to explain.  The best example that I can use is when my grandfather passed away a couple of years ago.  I had been very close to my grandparents and had lived with them every summer from the time I was twelve until I was eighteen.  My grandfather had lived a long full life and when he passed at the age of 95 it was a sad occasion for the family.  Although it was sad and a feeling of loss, I was also happy for him.  I was happy for a couple of reasons.  One was that he did not have to suffer anymore or be in anymore pain.  The other was that he had finally received what he had been telling me he wanted for a couple of years.  He had been telling me that he was ready to go see all of his friends that had already passed and to be with grandma.  When I think back on this moment there were many feelings that I had on the situation.  Ultimately the feelings that I had on the situation was all up to me and how I wanted to see it and accept it.  It has nothing to do with things, situations or the people around me, it is determined by myself and my own perceptions of things.  So, everything and anything can make me happy, it all depends on me.