Inferiority complex

Feelings of inferiority can have a detrimental effect on a person and a battle that I fight every day of my life.  Some days I feel that I have it conquered and it cannot affect me again.  The very next morning I will wake up completely replete in this horrific feeling of being inferior, incompetent and unworthy.  I have been this way as long as I can remember and have not been able to shake it. 

This summer being around so many amazing scholars has exacerbated this inferiority conflict that I have.  Everywhere I turn they are all doing such amazing things and are so intellectual that I continually have to ask myself if I am deserving of the honor of being in this cohort.  They may not see it on the outside, yet on the inside I am continually trying to suppress these feelings.  At times the burning questions becomes too much and some of it leaks out into my disposition and I become virulent with all of those around me.  At these particular times I am losing the battle with my thoughts of inferiority.

Although I lose some battles with my inferiority complex, there are other times that it has pushed me to go beyond what I thought I could do.  For this, I have to give praise to all the passionate scholars that I am honored to be a part of.  Whether they know it or not, they have pushed me to become a better person and to change how I live and what I eat.  They have pushed me in the way that I think about things and how I see other people.  They have indirectly challenged me to push the envelope and become more scholarly and immerse myself into the world of academia.  At times like these I am winning the battle with my inferiority.

Inferiority is my continual burning question that I will continue to face each day, yet through this exploration of my inner self this summer, I am begging to understand what it is that makes me click.  Understanding is the first step in conquering this burning question that I have every day.  The next step is realizing that I do belong and am deserving of the things that I receive.